a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
