i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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