Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize