Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
