He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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