Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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