Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I faked an abortion last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
