If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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