He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
