WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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