im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize