I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
