like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drake has all the answers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
