the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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