He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
