Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
