Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
