She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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