Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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