I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
