My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
