its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need water and some morals
Randomize