If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
