but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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