end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
