Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm really busy with my period
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