You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Go christen that room with your naked body.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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