she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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