i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
