there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
