my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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