Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
