It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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