God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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