Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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