Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
