I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
