Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
