i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
