Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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