He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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