I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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