I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
