I didn't shave. On purpose
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
