i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
