dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
