If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
