make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
