Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
