it hurts more in the daytime
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
