Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
