And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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