Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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