I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
