Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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