This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
