Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
