You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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