I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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