The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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