he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
