Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
