So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
