The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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