Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
