oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
