you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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