paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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