He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
