Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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