i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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