Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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