Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
