Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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