Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
