i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I understand Curling. That high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
