dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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