She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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