The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
