I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize