my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
