I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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