he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
