I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
