Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
