He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
