My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize