There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
