maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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