i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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