u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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