well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize