u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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