"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
