I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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