Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Green mimosas i think yes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
