SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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