i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
