Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
