sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
