32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
