omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
