With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
