my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
