D3 body, D1 cock
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
