he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
