grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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