i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
