White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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